:D enjoy

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...

don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out

eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live

longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car

by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and

vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow

eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables.

So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of

delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat

chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green

leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of

your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled

wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so

you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also

made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one

to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a

regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is:

No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .....Foods are fried these days in

vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could

getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft

around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.

You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoabeans ! Another vegetable!!!

It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well,I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer

fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer

heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer

heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer

heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages

and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.